The Sad Truth: Why Complimenting Weight Loss Can Do More Harm Than Good

We live in a world where compliments are currency. We enjoy lifting others up and feeling uplifted in return. When we offer a compliment, it gives us a warm, fuzzy feeling inside, partly because we assume it brightens the other person’s day. However, sometimes a compliment can backfire, particularly when it touches on sensitive topics like weight loss and that well-intention compliment can actually turn into a lingering trigger.

In this article I share my experience with weight-loss comments and share some alternative compliments you can give someone.

I joined a gym

In 2019, I took the plunge and joined a gym, even hiring a personal trainer to kick things up a notch. If you knew me personally, you will know how outlandish a statement that is for me. I was the kid that feigned sickness in school to get out of P.E but I felt it was time to finally get fit.

I felt out of shape and thought it was about time to do something about it. My trainer helped me with exercises. I initially had 3 training sessions a week for 8 weeks which was great for getting me into the habit of exercising. I found out I love weight training and looked forward to my gym sessions.

I found myself eating less and less fast food as I didn’t want to undo all my hard workouts. Don’t get me wrong I still had my treat days, as I don’t believe in being super strict, but I had definitely become more intentional with my food choices and learned that I love broccoli and can easily eat it all-day everyday.

Bye. Bye 10kg

Within just a few months, I shed 10 kg. Friends and family noticed and praised me and at first it felt good. I even started receiving compliments on my appearance from people who had no idea I’d even joined a gym. That’s when I knew the compliments were genuine, not just polite small talk, but after a while the shine of those compliments wore off and I started to question how I must have looked before I lost the kilos. There was now the “me” that was getting compliment and the “old-me” — the before picture.

When I reflected on my appearance before shedding the 10 kg, I couldn’t help but wonder, ‘Did I truly look that unappealing before?’ I genuinely believe those complimenting my weight loss meant well and had no ill intentions. But by implying that my current physique is an ‘improvement,’ and that I was “looking good” made me question how they viewed me before. I’m not going to lie. It stung and created this pressure to maintain the new physique.

The pandemic hit… and so did my weight gain

As the year progressed, the pandemic struck and gyms shut their doors. I was working from home and my healthy lifestyle took a back seat. Confined at home, I regained the 10 kg and then some. I was back to my 2018 weight and the memories of those compliments weighed on me. There’s this unsaid pressure — people might not point out when you’ve gained weight, but they’re quick to highlight a loss, casting a shadow on weight gain.

Whilst nobody pointed out I had put the weight back on I became paranoid about whether they were thinking it. It was always in the back of my mind.

The real danger of complimenting someone’s weight loss

When my mother was in a coma and passed away I lost a lot of weight. Do you know why? I barely ate for 6 weeks. I tried to eat but could barely force any food down. I say this as you never know the cause of someone’s weight loss. Maybe it’s not intentional but due to illness, an eating disorder or going through a rough time. Complimenting someone for those side-effects will not make that person feel good. It could also trigger an eating disorder.

What to say instead

So should you point out if someone you has lost weight? I don’t believe it’s necessary to make any comment on someone’s body. My opinion and your opinion on anyone’s body is irrelevant. It doesn’t matter. It’s no ones business. Commenting on someones body is not polite, even if it’s intended as a compliment. I also believe that praising someone’s weight loss is supporting this ideology that only thin is beautiful, rather than all body types and shapes are beautiful.

What compliments are OK?

I love giving compliments. I really do but I’ll never give body related compliments, unless someone went to a hairdresser. I’ve never met someone who didn’t want a post-hairdresser compliment!

Some ideas are

• I love how talented you are.
• You are such a kind person.
• You’re a great listener.
• You are such a good friend to me.
• I love what a good mom you are to your kids.

What if someone brings up their weight loss

In my own life, I steer clear from discussing someone’s weight or body. Not wanting to discuss someone’s weight loss changes it can be tricky when someone brings up their own weight loss and wants your opinion.

I have a gym friend who asks me at our workouts if I notice her weight loss. I struggle with being asked this as whilst I notice I don’t want to support her ideology that thin is beautiful and she is already at a healthy weight range and has always looked great.

I try to be supportive without dwelling solely on aesthetics. Instead of just focusing on how they look, I try to emphasize their effort, commitment, and how they feel. “You seem really dedicated to your health; that’s awesome!” or “How do you feel after all the hard work?”

Have you ever been on the receiving end of a weight loss compliment?

What about you? Have you ever been on the receiving end of a weight loss compliment? Have you ever given someone a compliment for weight-loss? I’d love to read your stories.