Are You a Shit Friend? 7 Things You May Be Unintentionally Doing

Are You Ruining Friendships Without Knowing It? 7 Habits to Watch Out For

We all like to think we’re great at being a friend when it comes to being a friend. But let’s face it, even the best of us can slip up. Sometimes, we’re doing things that’s putting our friendships on thin ice, and we don’t even realize it. So, grab a cuppa and settle in; we’re diving into seven habits that could be messing with your friendships.

1.Half-Listening
You’re hanging out, they’re talking, and you’re… scrolling through your phone. Sound familiar? Active listening is more than just being in the same room. It’s about engaging, asking questions, and showing you care. When you half-listen, you’re basically telling your friend, “I’ve got better things to do.” And let’s be honest, that’s a friendship killer right there. There’s a saying I love “wherever you are, be all there”

What to do instead
Next time you’re hanging out, put the phone down and engage in the conversation.

2. Being a Critic, Not a Cheerleader
We all need that friend who tells it like it is, but there’s a fine line between being honest and being harsh. If you’re always pointing out what’s wrong — whether it’s their outfit, their love life, or their career choices — you’re not being a friend; you’re being a critic.

What to do instead
Before you speak, think: Is it kind? Is it necessary? If it doesn’t pass this test, maybe keep it to yourself.

There are exceptions of course, sometimes something may not be kind in the moment but may be kind in the long run.An example being, if you notice your friend is getting swept up in what appears to be a scam, the kind thing to do might not feel “kind” in the traditional sense. Confronting them about it could lead to tension, defensiveness, or even a temporary strain in your friendship. They might feel embarrassed, or think you’re undermining their judgment. However, the alternative — saying nothing and allowing them to proceed — could result in far greater harm. In this situation, the initial discomfort of an awkward conversation is outweighed by the long-term kindness of helping them avoid financial or legal repercussions. So, while your words might sting in the short term, they could prevent a lifetime of regret for your friend, making the tough conversation the kinder action in the end.

3. Ignoring Personal Space
We all have our boundaries, and they need to be respected. Maybe your friend hates talking about work on weekends, or perhaps they need some alone time now and then. When you ignore these boundaries, you’re sending a message that your needs are more important.

I have a friend who has a hard rule that she won’t answer any communication past 8pm unless it’s an emergency and she likes to unwind for the night and not be stuck to her devices.

I admire this boundary she has set for herself and never message her past 8pm as my need to message her is not more important than her need to have her downtime.

What to do instead
Have an open chat about what’s off-limits and what’s fair game. It’ll clear the air and make your friendship stronger.

4. Flaking Out
We get it, life happens. But if you’re always the one canceling plans or “forgetting” promises, you’re chipping away at the foundation of your friendship. Trust is built on reliability, and without it, what’s left?

What to do instead
If you make a promise, keep it. And if you can’t, be honest about why. Transparency goes a long way in building trust.

5. Hogging the Mic
A good chat should be like a game of ping-pong, back and forth. If you’re always holding the mic and turning every conversation into The You Show, your friend is going to feel sidelined.

What to do instead
Ask questions and show interest in their life. It’s not just polite; it’s what friends do.

6. Being Emotionally MIA
When the chips are down, that’s when you find out who your real friends are. If you’re not there during the tough times — whether it’s a bad breakup, a family crisis, or just a really crappy day — you’re failing the friendship test.

What to do instead
Check in regularly, offer a listening ear, and be there when it counts. It’s as simple as that.

Side note. Some people do struggle knowing what to say or what to do when someone is going through hard times. It doesn’t need to be a grand gesture. A phone call, taking them out for coffee to talk helps even a text message.

7. Always Taking, Never Giving
Friendship isn’t a transaction, but there should be some give and take. If you’re always leaning on your friend for emotional support, favors, or even just time, but never giving back, you’re setting yourself up for a fall.

What to do instead
Be proactive. Offer help, give compliments, and be the kind of friend you’d want in your corner.

Friendships are like gardens; they need regular care and attention. If you’ve found yourself slipping into any of these bad habits, it’s not the end of the world. We are after all human and I genuinely think that you’d be hard-pressed to find someone who hasn't done any of these 7 things from time to time.

What’s Next?

At the end of the day I think we all need to ask ourselves the question ‘Would we want ourselves as a friend?” I don’t think anyone intentionally set’s out to be a “shit” friend but we get busy in life and sometimes take people for granted.

Doing a friendship and relationship audit from time to time and just checking in with ourselves can be daunting, but it can also help to nurture our friendships for many years to come and it is a lesson in humility and character building.

So, how’d you score? If you’ve spotted a few habits you need to kick, don’t beat yourself up. Friendships are resilient, and it’s never too late to make amends. Reach out, say sorry if you need to, and commit to being better. Your friendships are worth it.